my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
