Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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