My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
