my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
