I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
