His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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