Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
