apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
