Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
