So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
