If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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