fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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