You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
they're like a gay fantastic four
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
