Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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