Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
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once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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