he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
YAS. BRING CRAB.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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