Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize