I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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