I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
