He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
