They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
