if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
