Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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