I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
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She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
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Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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