i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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