You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
