is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
its not stalking. its research.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
