Texts From Last Night

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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips

  (515): View more from Iowa

  there is no god

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  (515): I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips (515): there is no god http://tfl.nu/6fwr
  Replies (16) Good night (749) Bad night (2241)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors

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  (978): just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors http://tfl.nu/9psa
  Replies (65) Good night (16734) Bad night (1341)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes

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  (301): I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes http://tfl.nu/yjwe
  Replies (32) Good night (5614) Bad night (1170)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Tell me the dirtiest joke you know

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  Sarah Palin

  (907): View more from Alaska

  god, I love you

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  (907): Tell me the dirtiest joke you know (1-907): Sarah Palin (907): god, I love you http://tfl.nu/fmd4
  Replies (101) Good night (10560) Bad night (1309)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.

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  (573): I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator. http://tfl.nu/5d16
  Replies (31) Good night (1148) Bad night (3838)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.

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  (503): My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/4mwl
  Replies (18) Good night (4897) Bad night (2044)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.

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  (281): I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car. http://tfl.nu/4osg
  Replies (8) Good night (541) Bad night (1599)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?

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  (303): How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head? http://tfl.nu/wek5
  Replies (5) Good night (1910) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?

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  (502): I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that? http://tfl.nu/7r6j
  Replies (14) Good night (1264) Bad night (1678)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.

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  (412): yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical. http://tfl.nu/syar
  Replies (27) Good night (1222) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.

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  (620): Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak. http://tfl.nu/19rz
  Replies (5) Good night (671) Bad night (2687)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you

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  (812): I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you http://tfl.nu/vw2w
  Replies (15) Good night (1897) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.

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  (212): LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen. http://tfl.nu/na6f
  Replies (5) Good night (1322) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit

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  (585): Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit http://tfl.nu/5lf7
  Replies (3) Good night (468) Bad night (239)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.

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  (781): So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO. http://tfl.nu/2fm5
  Replies (6) Good night (509) Bad night (367)

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