He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
