guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
