So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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