who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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