Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im having a threesome with these popsicles
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
