I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize