I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
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Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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