I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
