My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
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Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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