Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed