Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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