i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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