all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
