chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So here I am, sexting at work.
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