I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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