you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
