Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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