Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
