Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
bring money and cleavage
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize