Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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