I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
