I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
