Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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