I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
