Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
