it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
