Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
