At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
