Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
