im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
