ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I fill condoms, not promises.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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