at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
