Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
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don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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