im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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