Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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