My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
