So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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