...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
