I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
