I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
