Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize