Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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