sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
