You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need to calm my uterus...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
