If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
