I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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