I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
