Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
