Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize