I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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